Bad Endings

This weekend a couple friends of friends died in a car accident. Married, in their 50’s. Left behind both biological children and an adopted child who is now an orphan for the second time. I didn’t know them but it still is sad. And it raises the question, how do I think and feel about good things that end badly?

The reality is that bad endings are not rare.

· 50% of all marriages end in divorce

· A colleague is downsized after 27 years

· A winning streak always ends

· Churches split

· Most new business go out of business

· Diets end and the weight comes back

The temptation for me is to remember lives, jobs or relationships by how they end. Giving in that temptation turns the death of this couple, already a heartbreaking event into an unbearable tragedy. What is the point? What is the purpose? Two lives gone in a clash of metal and flesh.

But there is another way to look at the good and the bad of life. Here is a quote I found encouraging.

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.”

Think about that – The bad things don’t spoil the good things or make them unimportant. What a message of hope. No matter how sad or tragic this couple’s ending, the goodness of their lives still is and still is important. The love, the caring, the sacrifices, the smiles, and the gifts they gave are not gone. Those have not been erased. The good still happened the good impact on the world continues.

In my own life I’ve had a number of things end badly. Mostly jobs. Jobs that started well, good was done – sometimes a lot, but the endings were painful and sad. I have a choice on how I view those times. They can be seen through the conclusion, which makes them failures. Or they can be seen in their totality. A mixture of good and bad, helping and hurting. Seeing jobs that end badly, through the lens of their endings only, leaves me with failure and shame. But seen as whole, they become life, my life, the good and the bad. The good I treasure and repeat if I can. The bad, I accept as what is and try to learn from. And in the end I have peace knowing that that I have accepted what I am and am moving on to what I will be.

And being a Christian helps. Because I know that all things, even the bad things, even the car accidents, even the downsizings, even the pain, work together for good. This knowing doesn’t take away the pain or the bad, but it does give me a confidence that the good still lives on and still matters.

By the way. You may be surprised to know that quote comes from a corny science fiction BBC show The Doctor. Dr. Who, Season 5 – Vincent and the Doctor.