Monday, December 30, 2013

Thoughts on Principles

 
The Americanization of Emily Much of the deadlock in many areas of society – political, economic, social and religious results from people standing on principle.  In each of these areas there are real differences within our society but there are also small but significant steps of progress that could be made.  But often those small steps of progress are held back by those standing on principle.
I came across an interesting movie where a man compromised his principles and I think it was the right thing to do.  The movie is a 1964 black and white, called the Americanization of Emily.  Starring James Garner and Julie Andrews it tells the story of a man whose war time job is to supply the best in food, drink and women to high ranking military officers.  He is not an attractive character, has no morals and is a self described coward.  During the war he meets an English girl, Emily, played by Julie Andrews, and of course they fall in love.  Over time what he comes to realize is that the good life is not wine, women and song, but family life with a woman who loves you.
As Hollywood would have it, this coward ends up as the first man on the beaches on D-Day.  There has been no change of heart, rather his superior officer, a Navy General, decides that it would be good publicity for the Navy if the first casualty was an Navy man and if that casualty was captured on film.  And that is apparently what happens, James Garner is forced onto the beach by the gunshots of his commanding officer and appears to die in battle.  And the Navy has it’s hero.
One flaw in the scheme, a week later, Garner returns from France on a hospital ship.  No problem to the General however, a live hero is even better than a dead one.  But Garner is furious, he was forced to risk his life for a publicity stunt.  He is determined to expose the hypocrisy of war, once and for all.  And when reminded of the price he would pay, he responds that it is a matter of principle.  But in a dramatic scene in the few moments before the press appears, Julie Andrews reminds Garner of the cost they will pay for standing up for his principles.  He will lose his job, his career, his freedom, his friendships and most likely her.  Is he willing to give up all that really matters, a wife and a home, for his principles?  He is not, and so he takes a deep breath, swallows his pride, allows himself to be used by the military PR machine so he can get what really matters, a wife and a family.
Principles like most things, come in sizes.  There are some big principles that we hold onto no matter what.  They are not subject to compromise and are worth any price to maintain.  But there are smaller principles, things that are important to us, yet at times must be compromised to make life work.  Compromising principles is never easy, is often messy and should never be taken lightly.  But at times we have to sacrifice important beliefs to accomplish what really matters.
I think this is part of what Pope Francis is trying to say.  The principles of sanctity of life and marriage are important principles.  But if those two issues are the primary issues for which the church is known, what happened to the greater principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ?

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Have you ever really listened to “Good King Wenceslas”

Good King Wenceslas is one of those Christmas Carols that we have all heard but few of us have ever listened to.  The song is actually a story told by a narrator with dialog from King Wenceslas and his Page.  The story includes need, compassion, action, a miracle and a couple of lessons.

  • Need – King Wenceslas sees a poor man out on a cold snowy night gathering fuel

  • Compassion – The King ask his Page who the poor man is.  Learning that the poor man lives a long ways off the King moved by compassion prepares food, wine and logs for the poor man

  • Action – The King and the Page walk through the cold and snowy night to carry the gift to the poor man’s house

  • Miracle – The winter is so cold that the Page is unable to keep going.  The King instructs the Page to walk in his footsteps.  In doing so the Page finds that there is heat in the foot prints of the king.

  • Lesson 1 – When we care for the poor in the name of Christ we find a blessing for ourselves

  • Lesson 2 – When we walk in the steps of the King we find strength to complete the tasks.

Here are the lyrics.

Verse 1

Narrator:

Good King Wenceslas looked out
On the feast of Stephen
When the snow lay round about
Deep and crisp and even
Brightly shone the moon that night
Though the frost was cruel
When a poor man came in sight
Gath'ring winter fuel

Verse 2

King:

"Hither, page, and stand by me
If thou know'st it, telling
Yonder peasant, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?"

Page:

"Sire, he lives a good league hence
Underneath the mountain
Right against the forest fence
By Saint Agnes' fountain."

Verse 3

King:

"Bring me flesh and bring me wine
Bring me pine logs hither
Thou and I will see him dine
When we bear him thither."

Narrator:

Page and monarch forth they went
Forth they went together
Through the rude wind's wild lament
And the bitter weather

Verse 4

Page:

"Sire, the night is darker now
And the wind blows stronger
Fails my heart, I know not how,
I can go no longer."

King:

"Mark my footsteps, my good page
Tread thou in them boldly
Thou shalt find the winter's rage
Freeze thy blood less coldly."

Verse 5

Narrator

In his master's steps he trod
Where the snow lay dinted
Heat was in the very sod
Which the Saint had printed
Therefore, Christian men, be sure
Wealth or rank possessing
Ye who now will bless the poor
Shall yourselves find blessing

Here is a link to Bing Crosby’s version of the song

Sunday, December 15, 2013

One Solitary Life

On Friday night we went to a Christmas concert at which they performed a narration of the birth and life of Jesus interspersed with Christmas carols.  One section of the narration is called One Solitary Life.  

He was born in an obscure village, the child of a peasant woman; he grew up in still another village, where he worked in a carpenter shop until he was thirty. Then for three years He was an itinerant preacher. He never wrote a book. He never held an office. He never had a family or owned a house. He didn’t go to college. He never visited a big city. He never traveled two hundred miles from the place where He was born. He did none of the things one usually associates with greatness. He had no credentials but Himself. He was only thirty-three when the tide of public opinion turned against Him. His friends ran away. He was turned over to his enemies and went through a mockery of a trial. He was nailed to a cross, between two thieves. While He was dying, his executioners gambled for his clothing, the only property He had on Earth. When He was dead, He was laid in a borrowed grave through the pity of a friend. Twenty centuries have come and gone, and today He is considered by many to be the central figure of the human race and the leader of mankind’s progress.
All the armies that ever marched, all the navies that ever sailed, all the parliaments that ever sat, all the kings that ever reigned, put together, have not affected the life of man on this Earth as much as that One Solitary Life.

(If this sounds familiar to you, it may be that you heard it as part of the Candle Light Procession at Epcot Center where it has been performed for many years.)

Very inspiring statement about the impact of Jesus.  And it it only part of the story.  The rest of the story is the forgiveness of sin and the restoration of our relationship with God which he made possible.  This is the real reason we remember and celebrate his birth, life, death and resurrection.

Have a joyful Christmas,

Bruce

One solitary text copied from - http://wdwradio.com/forums/ask-disney-experts/10042-candlelight-processional.html

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Song of the Week – “Fixer Upper” from Disney’s Frozen

image I’m always on the lookout for songs that speak about marriage.  (Someday Carol and I will do a marriage seminar based some great songs that speak to marriage.) 

I found another one in the new Disney movie, Frozen.  No spoilers here, but the story line involves a princess who runs away from the castle and meets a county bumpkin.  The guy takes her home to his family who assumes that she is to be his bride.  When she hesitates his family sings a really cute song, “Fixer Upper.” 

The songs starts with his family listing a few of his flaws.  Then they sing these words:

     So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper, but this we’re certain of
     You can fix this fixer-upper up with a little bit of love!

When he indicates questions about her they sing

     Everyone’s a bit of a fixer-upper, but when push comes to shove
     The only fixer-upper fixer that can fix up a fixer-upper is —
     True, true, true, true, true, true, love

Good message – We are all fixer uppers.  No need to hide that.  And the way to fix another is love. 

Again, I won’t spoil it for you, but the movie does a good job of showing what real love is and is not.  While the movie does not use these words it certainly conveys the meaning of real love, the kind the Apostle Paul wrote about in I Corinthians 13:

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

The words are below but to really get the full impact, go see the movie.  It is a good uplifting story.

Fixer Upper

 
Is it the clumpy way he walks or the grumpy way he talks?
Or the pear-shaped, square-shaped weirdness of his feet?
And though we know he washes well-he always ends up sort of smelly
But you’ll never meet a fellow who’s as sensitive and sweet!
So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper, so he’s got a few flaws
Like his peculiar brain-dear, his thing with the reindeer
That’s a little outside of nature’s laws!
So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper, but this we’re certain of
You can fix this fixer-upper up with a little bit of love!

Is it the way that he runs scared, or that he’s socially impaired
Or that he only likes to tinkle in the woods — what?!
Are you holding back your fondness due to his unmanly blondness
Or the way he covers up that he’s the honest goods
He’s just a bit of a fixer-upper, he’s got a couple of bugs
His isolation is confirmation of his desperation for human hugs
So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper, but we know what to do
The way to fix up this fixer-upper is to fix him up with you!

So she’s a bit of a fixer-upper, that’s a minor thing
This quote ‘engagement’ is a flex arrangement
And by the way I don’t see no ring!
So she’s a bit of a fixer-upper, her brain’s a bit betwixt
Get the fiance out of the way and the whole thing will be fixed
We’re not saying you can change her, ‘cuz people don’t really change
We’re only saying that love’s a force that’s powerful and strange
People make bad choices if they’re mad, or scared, or stressed
Throw a little love their way (throw a little love their way) and you’ll bring out their best
True love brings out their best!
Everyone’s a bit of a fixer-upper, that’s what it’s all about!
Father! Sister! Brother! We need each other to raise us up and round us out
Everyone’s a bit of a fixer-upper, but when push comes to shove

The only fixer-upper fixer that can fix up a fixer-upper is —
True, true, true, true, true, true, love
True love, love, love, love, love, true love

Lyrics from - http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/frozen/articles/222981/title/frozen-fixer-upper-lyrics-warning-spoilers

Bible quote from Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.®   I Corinthians 13: 4 - 8a

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Song of the Week - When Father Papered the Parlour

image I love silly songs.  Most of my favorites come from “Silly Songs with Larry.”  Not sure what makes a song silly as opposed to stupid but I know a silly song when I hear one.  I had a good laugh one a couple of weeks ago.

When my in-laws were in town my wife and her mom were sitting at the table talking while I was there but multitasking.  The topic was wall papering and in the middle Lois started singing a song.  It took a few minutes for me to realize what had happened.  Then I blurted out, “Did you just sing a song about wallpaper?”  Sure enough she did.  “When Father Papered the Parlour.”  Hear it for yourself.  Written in 1910

 

And here are the lyrics. 

Our parlor wanted papering,
And Pa says it was waste
To call a paperhanger in,
And so he made some paste.
He bought some rolls of paper,
Got a ladder and a brush
And with my mummy's nightgown on,
At it he made a rush.


Chorus: When Father papered the parlour
You couldn't see him for paste
Dabbing it here! dabbing it there!
Paste and paper everywhere
Mother was stuck to the ceiling
The children stuck to the floor
I never knew a blooming family
So stuck up before.


Soon dad fell down the stairs
and dropp'd his paperhanger's can
On little Henrietta sitting there
with her young man,
The paste stuck them together,
as we thought t'would be for life,
We had to fetch the parson in
to make them man and wife.


Chorus:

The pattern was 'blue roses'
with its leaves red, white, and brown;
He'd stuck it wrong way up and now,
we all walk upside down.
And when he trimm'd the edging
off the paper with the shears,
The cat got underneath it,
and dad cut off both its ears.

Chorus:

We're never going to move away
from that house any more
For Father's gone and stuck the chairs
and table to the floor,
We can't find our piano,
though it's broad and rather tall,
We think that it's behind the paper
Pa stuck on the wall.


Chorus:

Now, Father's sticking in the pub,
through treading in the paste,
And all the family's so upset,
they've all gone pasty faced.
While Pa says, now that Ma has spread
the news from north to south,
He wishes he had dropped a blob
of paste in Mother's mouth.


Chorus:

Lyrics from http://www.dmi.me.uk/music/lyrics/misc/-/when-father-papered-the-parlour/

Make it a great day.

Bruce

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Are you caring for your goose?

While waiting for church to start last Saturday the fable of the goose that laid the golden egg came to mind.  Does anyone else have random thoughts pop into their head, apparently out of nowhere?

Here is the story if you have never heard it or forgotten it.

The Goose With the Golden Egg

ONE day a countryman going to the nest of his Goose found there an egg all yellow and glittering. When he took it up it was as heavy as lead and he was going to throw it away, because he thought a trick had been played upon him. But he took it home on second thoughts, and soon found to his delight that it was an egg of pure gold. Every morning the same thing occurred, and he soon became rich by selling his eggs. As he grew rich he grew greedy; and thinking to get at once all the gold the Goose could give, he killed it and opened it only to find,—nothing.

Over the past week, I’ve been thinking a lot about this countryman or ordinary farmer.  Did he really think that he would find the goose full of gold?  And even if the goose was full of gold, how many eggs could one goose contain?  Five, Ten, Twenty.  No matter how greedy, surely he could have seen the folly in killing the goose. 

But what if didn’t kill the goose, he just let it die.  I could see that happening.  He gets so busy spending, saving, investing the eggs that he forgets to care for the goose.  He fails to notice the dirty water dish, the empty food dish, the skinny goose. Until one day there is no goose and no egg.  No egg that day, no egg ever again.  That sounds like something I could do.

So to keep my goose that lays the golden egg alive, here are questions I need to ask myself:

1.  What is my goose or what provides the blessings in my life?

2.  Am I taking care of my goose so that the blessings keep coming?

I’ll answer the first question now.  I have at least four geese that lay golden eggs for me.

  • Marriage
  • Health
  • Integrity
  • Care for others

The second question is one that I need to answer everyday.  What will I do today to protect and grow my marriage, my physical health, my personal integrity and my care for others.  These four questions in one form or another need to be part of my regular self examination and planning time.  And yours too.

Make it a great day.  Grow your goose!!

Bruce

Sunday, November 17, 2013

A Personalized Great Is Thy Faithfulness Prayer

The prayer / song Great is Thy Faithfulness comes from Lamentations 3:22-33.  Here is a personalized version of that prayer.

Because of your great love I did not give up.  And I have no worry of your love getting tired or old, for your love is made new every day.  Great is your faithfulness.

Because I know of your faithful compassion to me, I wait for you, hope in you, seek after you and anticipate your blessing.  I can do this because I know you are good to me.

I acknowledge that it is good for me to go through tough times.  These include times of silence when I hear nothing from you, times of silence because I have nothing to give, times of letting life throw me around and even times of embarrassment.  I live through these times in hope knowing they will not last because you have not left me.

You do not abandon anyone.  So while you bring times of hardship into my life, I know you are always compassionate and your love never fails.  For you do not enjoy my suffering.

Have a great Sunday,

Bruce

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Song of the Week – To Be Loved

For the past few years I’ve found strength, joy, peace, motivation from listening to music that expresses the feelings that I have or that I want to have.  For the last few days I’ve been thinking about how incredible it is to be loved.  “To Be Loved” keeps coming to mind.  Click to to listen to Michael Bublé

Several interesting things in the lyrics.  The obvious one – being truly loved is of supreme value.

Some wish to be a King or a Queen
Some wish for fortune and fame
But to be truly, truly, truly loved
Well that's more than any one of those things

But also hidden in the song is the reality that true love is often revealed in the tough times.  Interesting that the song starts with these words:

Someone to care, Someone to share
Those lonely hours and moments of despair

Loneliness and despair are emotions that we try to avoid but yet in those times we see who really loves us and experience the fullness of that love.  I find myself looking back at what I know were really tough times.  In the rear view mirror, I see not just the hard times but also the love and the people who loved me.

Love also is seen with clarity and experienced in a new way in times of separation.

Someone to miss
When you're away,
To hear from each day

I’ve traveled without Carol a fair amount and while it was sad to be gone it was great to talk to her each day.  It cool to have someone who loves you so much that they want to share days even when the miles are between you.

And finally, and perhaps most importantly, I just need to say Woah way more often Smily Face

Woah, What a feeling to be loved, Woah

My grandson Isaac when through a stage when that was his favorite word and he was really did it right.  I’m going to try it.

Here are the lyrics courtesy of http://www.metrolyrics.com/to-be-loved-lyrics-michael-buble.html

Someone to care, Someone to share
Those lonely hours and moments of despair
To be loved, To be loved
Oh, What a feeling to be loved, yeah

Someone to kiss, Someone to miss
When you're away, To hear from each day
To be loved, To be loved
Woah, What a feeling to be loved, Woah

Some wish to be a King or a Queen
Some wish for fortune and fame
But to be truly, truly, truly loved
Well that's more than any one of those things

Woah, Someone to kiss, Someone to miss
When you're away, To hear from each day
To be loved, To be loved
Woah, What a feeling to be loved

Oh, but to feel truly loved baby
Is more than one of these things

Someone to miss, Oh someone to kiss
When you're away, To hear from each day
To be loved, To be loved
Oh, What a feeling to be loved
To be loved, To be loved, To be loved
Oh, What a feeling to be loved

Make it a great day by remembering who loves you and how great that love feels. 

Bruce

Friday, November 8, 2013

The Best Day To Start Your 2014 Diet – November 8th, 2013

November Calendar That is right, TODAY, is always the best day to start a diet.   The traditional way to diet is to start on January 2nd.  The problem is that most of us will gain significant weight between Thanksgiving and New Years.  Here is how that works.

There are 35 days from Thanksgiving to New Years.

An average serving of holiday extra is between 300 and 500 calories.  A holiday candy bar is 350 calories.  The eggnog latte I’m having this morning is 440 calories.  Mashed potatoes and gravy is 500 calories.   Christmas cookies are 400 calories. 

Using 400 calories as a daily average, eating one holiday treat a day for 35 days is 14,000 calories.  Your body turns calories into weight at about 3,000 calories per pound.  So putting off your diet until January 2nd, means that you likely will start your diet almost five pounds heavier than you weight today.  Ouch!!

You can avoid that by starting your 2014 diet today, by taking steps to prevent weight gain for the rest of the year.  And here are three practical ways to do that.  Each of these will save you between 300 and 400 calories per day.

1.  Walk 30 minutes a day.  30 minutes a day is pretty easy to do if you multitask.  Talk on the phone daily?  Find a way to walk while you do it.  Need something at the local store?  Walk instead of drive.  Each lunch at work?  Walk while you eat.  Watch a TV show that really isn’t that good?  Use that time to walk for the rest of the year. 

2.  Use smaller plates.  Research has shown that one of the ways we judge how much to eat is how big it is on the plate.  Use smaller plates and you will eat less.  This is even more effective if you serve your food at the kitchen counter and then eat it elsewhere.  Having to get up to refill your plate will cause you to eat less.  You can even use smaller plates for holiday dinners!!  Shocking!

3.  Take half a desert.  Then go back and get more if you really want it.  You will be amazed at how many times you will not go back for the second helping.  Another alternative is to never get that second helping yourself, always ask your spouse or kids to get it for you.  Having to ask will decrease the number of times you ask for seconds.

Once you have decided what to do here is a way to increase the likelihood you will follow through.  Take a piece of lined paper and draw three equally spaced vertical lines.  This will make four columns.  In the left hand column, put all the dates between now and January 2nd.  At the top of the other three columns write down the three things you will do to change your eating for the rest of the year.  They can be the ideas above or your own ideas.

Each night, before you go to bed make a check mark, on the steps you did that day.  You won’t do all three items every day.  There will be some days you don’t do any of them.  But the discipline of having to report on yourself increase the likely hood that you will follow through.  And as you move through the weeks, the list of checks will build your confidence and inspire you to eat reasonably.

Here’s to a jump start on a healthy 2014

Bruce

Monday, November 4, 2013

Loving others as they want to be loved.

imageMy goal in blogging is to share with others what I learn from others.  I get such knowledge, wisdom and inspiration from authors that I want to share it with others who don’t have the time or inclination to read the books.  This insight however comes from a movie, “Lars and the Real Girl.”  You can watch this movie yourself on Amazon Prime if you would like to experience it for yourself.  But here is how it impacted me.

Lars and the Real Girl  (2007, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer)

 I love stories that reveal how life works and the power of the little things. It moves my heart to realize little acts of life and love can have such power. Lars and the Real Girl is such a story. The film presents a story of Lars, a lonely, hurting man who is loved by those around him but in ways that don’t help. Lars asks them to love him by loving the “Real Girl”, a life size, atomically correct doll that Lars has met and eventually proposes to. His family and community struggle with that request, eventually honor his request and in doing so start the process of healing. I found that Lars and the Real Girl suggests a new way for me to think about loving others and participating in their healing.

In the opening scenes, family and co-workers express love to Lars by inviting him over for breakfast, welcoming him to work, offering to share pornography, and even tackling him on the driveway. That frustrates them and makes Lars uncomfortable. When Lars brings the “Real Girl”, Bianca into their lives he offers them the opportunity to express their love to him in a way they find uncomfortable. In effect Lars says, show your love for me by accepting my “Real Girl.”

When Bianca first arrived I did a fast forward in my head and saw a story where Lars had a relationship with Bianca in the garage that gave him the strength to function in the real world. That whole scenario was overwritten when Lars requests that Gus and Karen, his brother and sister in law, let Bianca live in their house. Gus and Karen are now confronted with the question, “Will we love Lars in the way he wants to be loved?” Participating in another’s delusion is a tremendous act of love. Spending your time, your energy and your effort on actions that make no sense to you, that only have value because someone you love asks for them, is love.

Responses to Lars request for love his way are varied. Awkwardness, how do you serve dinner to a plastic person? Initial rejection, on the part of the church group. Confrontation, as Gus assets to Lars that Bianca is just plastic. But fairly quickly - acceptance. Acceptance comes in the forms of sharing of clothes, giving of flowers, invitation to a party and then preparing party guests to welcome Bianca. The acceptance evolves into love as Bianca is given employment and becomes a volunteer at the hospital.

Delusions have to end eventually if we are to be healthy people. The resolution to the Lars’ delusion is Bianca’s death. Her death begins when she gets in a fight with Lars. (You have to watch the movie to figure that one out.) After that fight, Lars express to Karen his real delusion. His belief no one loves Lars.  Responding with a bust of anger Karen outlines all the community does for Bianca and asserts those actions are nothing less than love for Lars. Once Lars comes to accept that truth, he can respond to a coworkers sharing her loneliness, he enjoys an evening of bowling, and comes to realizes that Bianca is keeping him from living life to its fullness. With that realization, he orchestrates Bianca’s death. The love of community has borne its fruit and Lars is freed from the delusion that he is unloved.

What enlightened me was understanding that Lars had two delusions. Bianca was the surface delusion. It was the delusion people who loved him had to interact with. And it appeared permanent. Underneath the Bianca delusion was a deeper delusion, the delusion that no one loved Lars. As the community loved Lars, by accepting his delusion, the door was opened to uncovering and resolving the deeper delusion. Once the deeper delusion was exposed as false the Bianca delusion was no longer needed.

This two delusion concept is something I can use in my efforts to be of help those around me. My tendency is to love people by giving them what I think they need. At the same time they want to be loved based on their perception of need. Thia is an ongoing frustration that I’ve never really known how to resolve. Lars and the Real Girls proposes that I love others in the way they want to be loved, while searching, with them if possible, for the underlying deception. In finding and resolving that underlying deception will come true freedom.

Make it a great Monday,

Bruce

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Happiness Tip – Move On

St George IslandThree weeks ago I blogged about a great customer experience while making a motel reservation. Click Here To Read  Last weekend we went to the motel and the experience was not good.  Nothing matched our expectations.  The motel was below average, the amenities nonexistent and the town small and boring.  Great way to start out a fun weekend!  So what did we do to ensure that we had a good time?  We Moved On.

We had a two night reservation but the next morning we packed the car, went to the front desk, and politely said our plans had changed and we would like to check out.  They said sure and asked if there was a problem with the room.  We said no, because there was nothing they could change, and paid our bill.  We didn’t know if we could find a place to stay for the night, but if nothing else we would drive the five hours back to Orlando and get home at 3 am.  We have done that before!

After checking out of the motel, we drove to the next town and had a great breakfast on the river followed by a fun time exploring the town of Apalachicola.  We  got rid of some excess cash by buying  shoes, a souvenir, a birthday present and a Christmas present.  Then a short drive to St George’s Island and Grouper Tacos for lunch at a beach front restaurant.  (See picture) After lunch we checked out a nearby hotel, the only one on the island.  It was a funny place but they had a clean gulf front room with a private balcony.  A little more than we had planned on spending so we had dinner (Pizza) and breakfast (Pop Tarts) in.

A great time and we came home with happy memories and a good lesson on happiness - Move On!!

Anything that is eating at your happiness that could be resolved by a decision to Move On?  Get Moving!!

Happy Sunday

Bruce

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Wondering About Crude Sexual Humor

2013-10-30 20.32.24Carol and I went to the Michael Bublé concert at the Amway Arena last night.  What a great time.  We had good seats and it was a fantastic show.  Our first big-time-arena concert.  As much as anything it was a delight to watch people doing what they love to do with obvious enjoyment.  A string section played for a few of the slower romantic songs.  When I saw the musicians faces on the big screen it was that perfect combination of utter concentration and absolute joy. Made me wish, for just a minute, I had stuck with the violin. 

Michael B Up Close

Michael was a joy to listen to, not just his music but his talking.  He shared about how much he loved the life he is living and then passionately thanked the crowd for making that life possible.  I’ve only bought one CD, watched one TV special and attended one concert, but I felt like I was a part of something good.  He honored his wife and was genuinely excited about his baby son.  (Note to all new parents.  His baby son travels with him.  As a result Michael now sees his concerts as two hours paid vacation time.)

We had floor seats about 20 rows back and when he did his floor walk Michael came right past us.  I took the picture you see here as he walked past. (not a zoomed picture!)

 

Here is what I wonder about.  During the evening he told half a dozen crude sexual jokes.  Nothing unusual, the kind of stuff man of you hear all day long.  You would likely hear a lot worse on a popular TV shows or a PG movie.  The head scratcher is that the jokes were such a contrast to the way Michael spoke about his wife and child.  Maybe it is just an age thing, but I think crude sexual humor is a contributor to the breakdown in the family that is devastating our nation.  I volunteer at a local elementary school. Monday I was explaining the word protect to 4th grade girl.  I asked her if she protected her little brother.  Her response, “Oh we don’t know where he is.”  Followed by a long explanation about her mom had done this her dad had done that.  What a tragedy.  Punch lines like “grinding each other on the first date” and “finding your first threesome” in real life lead to little girls who don’t know where there little brother is.

Jokes aside we enjoyed the concert.  Left motivated to love and to do what we love with passion.

 

Bruce

 

2013-10-30 22.20.43     2013-10-30 22.22.23

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Healthcare.gov and My Future

This will be long but stay with me.  My feelings are mixed concerning the Affordable Health Care law.  Generally I’m against government expansion yet three years ago I had no way to get health insurance.  My employer did not offer health insurance and because of pre existing conditions, insurers declined my application for coverage.  So while I’m not a big fan of the Act, I know from experience there is a real need for something better than the status quo. 

I tried Healthcare.gov for myself to see how it worked and how much it would cost.  Pulled out the laptop one night and started typing.  Made it through the application process right up to the Apply Button.  And to be honest the website was not that bad.  It worked.  I could understand and follow it.  I did wonder why I had to keep entering the same information, like my address, multiple times.  I stopped at the Apply Button because I didn’t want to apply.  I simply wanted to see how much it costs.  But you can’t see how much it costs until you Apply.  I understand that applying is not the same as buying but right before the Apply button was a stern saying something like “I agree that everything I have entered is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God and that anything I have entered can and will be used against me in court.”  Now it wasn’t those exact words but you get the idea.  So rather than take a chance on being busted for an accidental keystroke, I pushed the red X and closed the page.

After using the site I’m convinced that those who call the site designers incompetent have an ulterior motive.  I suspect those critics don’t like the Affordable Health Care Act, they don’t like Obama and the website is just another way to continue the attack.  But I do agree with the critics who say that the site is poorly constructed as compared to the most successful internet sites.  A good website today will get a minimum of information and then starts providing value.  A web site that requires an hour of input before providing any value would fail to attract any serious usage. 

Which brings up the question, with three and a half years and hundreds of millions of dollars, why is Healthcare.gov just okay?  With all that time and money, why is it not great?  The answer is pretty simple, motivation.  If you look at sites like Google, YouTube, Facebook, Amazon, Twitter, eBay they all have this in common.   They were built by people who had a passion for what they were doing and hoped to make a lot of money.  It is hard to beat the motivation that comes from passion and the possibility of getting rich.  That motivation was missing from Healthcare.gov.  There is a total lack of passion about the Affordable Health Care Act.  The Act is a giant compromise that nobody thought was great.  True a majority in Congress voted for it.  The liberals held their noses and voted for it as the best they could get.  While the conservatives held their noses and voted no saying at least it isn’t something worse.  No passion from either side.  And for the people doing the work, no hope of wealth either.  Maybe the CEO’s and stockholders of the companies who build the web site will do okay. But no stock options, no potential to hit it big for the people who are doing the work.  (After all they worked for the lowest bidder.) And so we get an okay at best website.

What difference does the power of working for passion or money make to me, and maybe you.  We all face choices about what to build with our lives.  I’m facing one of those times right now as I’m choosing what to build with the last third of my life.  When we make those choices we better chose to build what we are passionate about or what will make us rich.  If what I’m building doesn't satisfy some deep inner need, or have the potential to make me rich, I’m not likely to work very hard. Look around you at the people who are working really hard and getting real work done.  They are either passionate about what they are doing or are pursuing wealth.  If you are not chasing one of those things then you will not keep going over the years.  So as I look for options for the next third of my life, I better find something that I’m passionate about or will make me rich.  Or maybe even both.

Final thought – If you are a believer at all in what Jesus taught, working for riches or wealth justifiably throws up red flags.  And you are right.  Working for riches is a trap.  But not everyone can work at their passion.  Sometimes you have to work at something you good at and use the riches that come from your work as the funding for your passion.  Bottom line is, If I can’t make money doing what I’m passionate about, then I want to do something that pays really well, and will fund my passion.

And one more freebie – Every Good Endeavor by Tim Keller is a great book on the biblical view of why work.

Make it a great day

Bruce

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Two Speeds

I start each run by walking to the end of the block.  This is my warm and set up the music time.  But when I hit the corner it is time to run.   The first few steps always seem to be a struggle but by the end of the first short block, I’m committed.  About the middle of the second block I become aware that I have two speeds.  Speed 1, which is where I start, is just enough to be running.  It is just past the crossover point between walking fast and really running.  So each morning in middle of block 2, while I’m feeling good about being my running, I know that I could be going at speed 2.  With a little more effort I can move into another gear.   Now in the interest of full disclosure, my faster is not fast by any means.  But it does knock significant time off my total run.

Every morning I face the choice, speed 1 or speed 2.  Most days, I choose speed 2 which seems like hard work for a few blocks.  However,  if I keep on expending the effort by the end the first mile the extra effort seems normal.  My body and my mind have adjusted to the increased pace and I no longer have to push.  After that I can run at that faster speed for the next three miles with minimal effort.

Many areas of life can be lived in two speeds.   There is the “just do enough to keep moving” speed and the “let’s get something important done” speed.  And like running, when you first decide to shift gears and move beyond just enough it always seems tough.  Keep at it for a while and the extra effort becomes the new normal.  And then one day you look around and say, “How did I ever get so far?” 

Anything you want to shift speeds on?  Let me know if the comments field.

Bruce

 

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Is To Enough To “Never Give Up?”

Never giving up is presented by many authors and speakers as a key to success.  Perhaps the most famous is by Winston Churchill.

" Never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.''

I came across an interesting idea in the Harvard Business Review Blog.  Whitney Johnson asserts that in addition to never giving up you must also Always Show Up.  To Always Show Up means more than just be present, it means to be fully involved and committed to what you are doing.  She tells a story about a job interview for a job she wanted but did not want to appear to be too anxious.  She did the interview, she went to the company and met with the team, but she didn’t really show up.  She held back, she appeared casual and she didn’t make the short list.  Later on she got off the record feedback that the interviewers did not see “anything in my behavior that indicated I passionately wanted the job.”

I pride myself in being a person who never gives up, but I know I don’t Always Show Up.  And I know why.  When I show up, when I am fully present, when I publicly declare my passion,  I increase the risk of disappointment.  If I hold myself back and simply do not give up, I can tell myself and others, “It didn’t really matter.”  But when I Always Show Up and I don’t get what I pursue, I can’t say that.  I have face the hurt.  So here is the dilemma.  When I Always Show Up I increase my chances for success and my risk of disappointment. 

As Carol and I get ready for the next stage in our lives, I’m committed to Always Show Up.  To me this means that I invest the time and the energy to fully investigate each opportunity.  And as I find opportunities that have potential, I run after that opportunity with public passion.  I know that this means that I am going to be disappointed and will hear No more than once.  But at the end, we will get the yes that opens the door to our future.

I find the Harvard Business Review Daily Alert to be a good source of information.  You can scan the one line summaries and then choose what blogs to read.   You can sign up by clicking here.

Bruce

Friday, October 18, 2013

Follow Up – 200 is now 195

Below is the end of last Friday’s blog

But looking beyond yesterday day, I do need to make changes.  Like

  1. Stop finding so many excuses to eating high calorie foods.  (It’s the weekend, I’ve worked hard, I deserve a treat, It is my favorite flavor, etc.)
  2. When I want a snack have apples, dried apples, protein bars or protein shakes.
  3. Stop drinking calories

My goal is to be at 205 next Friday morning.  That should not be to difficult if I do the steps above.  I’m setting a reminder for next Friday to check up on myself.

I did the check up this morning - The scales did read 195. YEAH!!  I’m a bit surprised as I did not follow through on my actions as well as I would have liked.  My estimate is that I took the steps above about 60% of the time.  But I did make my goal so I’m going to continue to follow the steps above and set myself a reminder for next Friday and a goal of 193.

To help remember my commitment to the three actions above, I’m going to print of this blog and place it on the refrigerator, on my night stand and tape it to the cover of my computer.

 

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Two Great Customer Experiences

Two top notch experiences in the last 24 hours.

I was looking to make motel reservations in Carrabelle, Florida.  None of my readers have likely every heard of Carrabelle so you can image that the motel selection is challenging.   There are no big name hotels. No one I know has stayed there before and so I’m left with Internet searches and reviews.  I end up with two choices, neither of which I’m really thrilled about.  I pick one and call fully intending to gather info and then call the other choice.  I called the Moorages at Carrabelle and heard “Good afternoon, It is a great day at the Moorages of Carrabelle.”  And the lady says it like being at the Moorages is the greatest thing that could ever happen to a person and today is the very best day ever to be there.  I was sold.  Not a question in my mind that this was the place to go.  Never even called the other place.  Really looking forward to the trip and will let you know in a couple of weeks how it went.  https://www.mooringsofcarrabelle.com/

This morning I went to Macco.  Macco is a low end auto body and paint company.  They service the consumer that is paying for their own work instead of making an insurance claim.  I have been their twice and have been well served.  But today I was turned off by the guy at the front counter.  He was fat and slow.  (I’m prejudiced against both of those.)  When I told him what I wanted it was clear that he did not what to get off his stool, walk out and look at my car.  I was totally ready to walk out.  Then two things happened.  First he gave me a price, which has about half of what I expected.  That helped:)  But what really sold me was what he said.  “You have that red convertible, don’t you.  We have worked on that before.  I don’t have to go out and look at it because I know you take really good care of that car.”  His remembering me, from almost a year ago, and recognizing the care that we put into that car totally changed my attitude.  Then he lowered the boom.  “Let’s get you on the schedule.”  So in two minutes, his customer service verbal skills moved me from disgusted to having an appointment to get my car door painted tomorrow morning.  And I’m excited about it.

I’m a cheapskate and work at not being manipulated by salespeople,  but it is hard to resist good, from the heart, customer service.

Bruce

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A Christian Response to the Debt Ceiling Fight

The first draft of this blog was “Enemy or Victim.”  I chose the new title thinking it would get more attention.  But let’s start with what the Bible says about people who disagree with us.

One of the incredible insights that I get from seeing life through the Bible is that it reduces my enemy list to one.  I have only one enemy and that is Satan.  Everything that is wrong in the big world and in my small world can be traced back to the ultimate source of evil, Satan.  Everyone else that appears to be in my way or causing a problem for me is not the enemy, they are a victim of the enemy.  That is why Jesus could say, “Love your enemies and pray for them who spitefully use you.”  I can pray for, have compassion on, show love to everyone, no matter how they treat me because it is not them that causes the evil it is Satan.

This is not some Pollyanna view that makes me like everyone.  Rather it is a conscious decision to see others who get in my way and sometime hurt me very badly as people of value, creations of God who have been deceived and victimized by Satan.  And from that perspective, I can pray for them and treat them with love.  (Not perfectly of course but that is the goal).

What has prompted this blog is the current debt ceiling decision.  There are real issues involved.  Of course, the debt ceiling has to be raised, it is wrong to borrow and not pay back.  But beyond that, the United States of America has a real debt problem.

  • We owe more than we produce in an entire year. 
  • We continue to borrow money each year  
  • All the forecasts show borrowing to increase for the foreseeable future. 
  • Under current forecast there will never be money to pay back the debt.  That is a real problem.

But none of that is getting serious discussion because the people speaking the loudest speak and treat those on the “other” side as enemies, opponents that have to be defeated.  And so we are reduced to “kicking the can” instead of real solutions.

Here are four things Christians can do.

1.  Leaders who are Christians publicly announce their refusal to speak of or treat anyone as an enemy.   It is time for our leaders who claim to be Christians to speak and act in love towards all.

2.  Christians stop listening to communication that causes divisions or treats others as enemies.  It is time for those who claim to be Christians to realize that a steady diet of Us VS Them input results in an Us VS Them attitude.

3.  Christians commit to speaking well of those who disagree with them.  Once we get the right attitude then we will say the right things.

4.  Christians pray for leaders after the pattern of I Timothy 2 - “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.”  Maybe this one should have been first.

Not everyone will agree with what I have written.  If you do disagree with what I have said, I hope that you feel that I have spoken of you with love and respect.  And that you will speak of me in the same way.

Bruce

 

Monday, October 14, 2013

Too Many Books

I am reading too many books!!  So as form of repentance or therapy, I’m making a list of them all and why I am reading them.

To Be Told: Know Your Story, Share Your Future (Dan Allender) – Written by the founder of Seattle School of Theology, Masters in Counseling Program.  I’m interested in the program so I’m reading this to better understand his approach

Jesus Rediscovered (Malcolm Muggeridge) – Referenced by Steve Brown when he preached at Northland last month

Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World (Bob Goff) – Recommended by Travis and Leslie Rathe

Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness (Richard Thaler) – Mentioned in the Harvard Business Review – Daily Alert

Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think (Brian Wansink)  Not sure where I heard about this book but I’ve been doing too much Mindless Eating

A Call To Spiritual Reformation: Priorities from Paul and His Prayers (D. A. Carson) – Recommended by a professor at Reformed Theological Seminary as the best book on prayer.  Using this as my daily devotional

Blind Justice (Anne Perry) – Latest William Monk mystery

The Heart Mender: A Story of Second Chances (Andy Andrews)  One of my favorite short story with a big point authors.

The Forged Coupon (Short stories by Leo Tolstoy) – Malcolm Muggeridge calls him one of the greatest Christian writers of all time.  Curious.  The only book of Tolstoy’s i have read is the first section of Anna Karenia and I stopped reading because ungodly behaviors seemed to be the theme of the book.

Books like desert are best in moderation.  And right now I am way past moderation.  Need to work my way back to a more reasonable number, like two or three.  But these are all good books and I’ll blog about several of them in the next few weeks.

Bruce

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Happy Birthday to My Wife

Carol, my wife turns 55 today.  Most of those years she has spent with me so I am one lucky guy:)

For me marriage has been a good and pleasurable experience.  While there were, and will be, bumps in the road they have been very few.  Not sure why I am so blessed but marriage, and Carol, have been good to me.

But as good as marriage to today’s Birthday Girl has been, I love the vision of marriage that Timothy Keller lays out in “The Meaning of Marriage.”  Tim starts by surveying history and literature and listing all the various reasons for marriage and why it has lasted so long.  Then he unfolds what God had in mind when He created marriage.

What, then, is marriage for? It is for helping each other to become our future glory-selves, the new creations that God will eventually make us. The common horizon husband and wife look toward is the Throne, and the holy, spotless, and blameless nature we will have. I can think of no more powerful common horizon than that, and that is why putting a Christian friendship at the heart of a marriage relationship can lift it to a level that no other vision for marriage approaches. Have you ever traveled to a mountainous part of the world when it was cloudy and rainy? You look out your windows and you can see almost nothing but the ground. Then the rain stops and the clouds part and you catch your breath because there, towering right over you, is this magnificent peak. But a couple of hours later the clouds roll in and it has vanished, and you don’t see it again for a good while. That is what it is like to get to know a Christian. You have an old self and a new self (Ephesians 4: 24). The old self is crippled with anxieties, the need to prove yourself, bad habits you can’t break, and many besetting sins and en-trenched character flaws. The new self is still you, but you liberated from all your sins and flaws. This new self is always a work in progress, and sometimes the clouds of the old self make it almost completely invisible. But sometimes the clouds really part, and you see the wisdom, courage, and love of which you are capable. It is a glimpse of where you are going. Within this Christian vision for marriage, here’s what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of the person God is creating, and to say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, ‘I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!’” Each spouse should see the great thing that Jesus is doing in the life of their mate through the Word, the gospel. Each spouse then should give him- or herself to be a vehicle for that work and envision the day that you will stand together before God, seeing each other presented in spotless beauty and glory.  - Keller, Timothy (2011-11-01). The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God (Kindle Locations 1727-1744). Dutton Adult. Kindle Edition.

Carol, I get the privilege of seeing you from a closer perspective than anyone except God, and I love what I see.  You are the best person I know.  And what is even better than looking at you now is realizing that God will continue to work in you for many more years.  I can’t wait to see what you will be like when we stand before God’s throne.

Love Ya

Friday, October 11, 2013

200 BLEH!!!!

200 pounds this morning.   First time in the 200’s since January 19, 2012.  17 pounds more than I weighed a year ago.  Not the kind of numbers I want to see.

There are some justifications on why today is three pounds higher than Tuesday.  I went to an all day seminar with a 3 hour drive on both ends and then had an interview early today, so no exercise since Wednesday.  Because of the seminar and the travel, I ate out all meals yesterday.  But yesterday is not the problem it is the long term trend.

I do need to give myself credit for some things yesterday.

  • I had a low fat, no whip Pumpkin Spice Latte
  • When I wanted a candy bar at the seminar I went out to the car and got a half a protein bar instead
  • At lunch I chose the turkey sandwich and coleslaw instead of the pork and fries.  And only ate 1/2 the coleslaw
  • At dinner I had the chicken wrap instead of the wings and fries and only at 1/2 the sandwich
  • Only ordered 1/2 a dessert

Bottom line is that I have not eaten 9,000 extra calories since Tuesday and so the gain is somewhat just the random variation in water retention.

But looking beyond yesterday day, I do need to make changes.  Like

  1. Stop finding so many excuses to eating high calorie foods.  (It’s the weekend, I’ve worked hard, I deserve a treat, It is my favorite flavor, etc.)
  2. When I want a snack have apples, dried apples, protein bars or protein shakes.
  3. Stop drinking calories

My goal is to be at 205 next Friday morning.  That should not be to difficult if I do the steps above.  I’m setting a reminder for next Friday to check up on myself.

And for today, I’ll follow the advice I found in “I Fought Food . . . And I Won!” for what to do after a weight gain. 

1.  Eat moderately

2.  Drink lots of water

3.  Exercise moderately.

Anyone have ideas that have worked for them on how to stop the slow, gradual weight gain?

 

Bruce

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Check out “The Happiness Project”

One of my goals in blogging is to share some of the resources that have helped my life.  Over the past couple of years I have been blessed by reading close to 200 books.  Many of them have been non fiction books that I have found interesting and helpful.  A few I even describe as life changing.  One of those is “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin.

Gretchen is a lawyer turned writer who decided she wanted to be happier.  Not that she was unhappy, but she sensed she was missing out on happiness that was available.  Gretchen created a list of 12 projects that she would do to increase her happiness and then did one a month for a year.  She wrote about her year and the lessons learned in “The Happiness Project.”

I use many of her principles but the most life changing truth that I received was about the Happy Person in your lives.

If you are like me, sort of happy but find it very easy to be crabby, I hope you have a Happy Person in your life.  Your Happy Person is someone who shares your life with you and finds happiness in most everything.  While you are getting up tight and frustrated, overworked and feeling under appreciated, your Happy Person is seeing the good and sharing the love.  Gretchen’s Happy Person is her husband and mine is my wife.  Now I knew Carol was my Happy Person but here are two things I didn’t know until I read Gretchen’s book.

1.  How much happiness a Happy Person adds to life.  This would seem obvious, but if you have been with your Happy Person a long time, you likely just assume them and the happiness they bring.  Once I started noticing how often Carol’s happiness nudges me towards happiness, I was blown away.  Her happiness offers me the chance to be happy multiple times a day.  I don’t even know how to calculate the impact she has on my happiness. And I don’t want to think about living without her happiness.   One more cool thing I have learned lately is to seek her happiness.  If I’m feeling a crabby spell coming on, I seek her out so some of her happiness can rub off on me. 

2.  Happy People work hard at being happy.  It only looks easy.  They float around sharing the love and joy and they do it so well that we think it’s just the way they are.  Not true.  According to Gretchen, your Happy Person works at being happy.  She work’s hard at it.  She chose's happiness many times a day.  I asked Carol about this and she confirmed that being happy and being an influence for happiness is something she works at and it is hard work.

  • Thank God for happy people. 
  • Open yourself to their happiness. 
  • Thank your Happy Person
  • And last of all, if you are in really bad mood and are planning on staying that way for a while, do you rHP a favor and stay away:)

You learn more about Gretchen at www.Happiness-Project.com

 

 

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

What’s Playing – In My Head

Most mornings I wake up with a song in my head.  Not the whole song just a few lines.  Today it was Michal Buble’s “To Love Somebody.” 

Here are the words.

You don’t know what it’s like,

Baby, you don’t know what it’s like. 

To love somebody,

To love somebody,

The way I love you.

The song is exceptionally well done.   The words, the vocals, the accompaniment grab my heart.  The only problem it’s not truth.  At least for me it isn’t.  The “Baby” in my life does know what it is like to love somebody with a life changing love.  And the good news is that the person she loves is me:)  Yeah!!!

So as much as I love the song, I don’t want it playing in my head all morning.   After all thoughts matter.  What I think about becomes what I do.  However I can’t just stop a song from playing in my head.  What I can do is replace the wake up song with another.  When I do this I chose a song with same theme but that speaks truth.  This is song I chose to play in my head today.  It speaks of One who loves me in a way I’ll never fully grasp.

Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.

Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me.

Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me,

Your love.

And on and on and on and on it goes.

And it overwhelms and satisfies my soul.

And I’ll never ever have to be afraid.

This one thing remains   (Passion – One Thing Remains)

Anyone else hearing a song in your head today?  Is is truth?  In not, you can change the song.  It isn’t always easy.  Many times the wake up song sneaks back into the play list, but with persistence the song you chose will be the day’s top song.

Here is a link to “One Thing Remains” performed by Jeremi and Amy Richardson

Monday, October 7, 2013

Bad Endings

This weekend a couple friends of friends died in a car accident. Married, in their 50’s. Left behind both biological children and an adopted child who is now an orphan for the second time. I didn’t know them but it still is sad. And it raises the question, how do I think and feel about good things that end badly?

The reality is that bad endings are not rare.

· 50% of all marriages end in divorce

· A colleague is downsized after 27 years

· A winning streak always ends

· Churches split

· Most new business go out of business

· Diets end and the weight comes back

The temptation for me is to remember lives, jobs or relationships by how they end. Giving in that temptation turns the death of this couple, already a heartbreaking event into an unbearable tragedy. What is the point? What is the purpose? Two lives gone in a clash of metal and flesh.

But there is another way to look at the good and the bad of life. Here is a quote I found encouraging.

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.”

Think about that – The bad things don’t spoil the good things or make them unimportant. What a message of hope. No matter how sad or tragic this couple’s ending, the goodness of their lives still is and still is important. The love, the caring, the sacrifices, the smiles, and the gifts they gave are not gone. Those have not been erased. The good still happened the good impact on the world continues.

In my own life I’ve had a number of things end badly. Mostly jobs. Jobs that started well, good was done – sometimes a lot, but the endings were painful and sad. I have a choice on how I view those times. They can be seen through the conclusion, which makes them failures. Or they can be seen in their totality. A mixture of good and bad, helping and hurting. Seeing jobs that end badly, through the lens of their endings only, leaves me with failure and shame. But seen as whole, they become life, my life, the good and the bad. The good I treasure and repeat if I can. The bad, I accept as what is and try to learn from. And in the end I have peace knowing that that I have accepted what I am and am moving on to what I will be.

And being a Christian helps. Because I know that all things, even the bad things, even the car accidents, even the downsizings, even the pain, work together for good. This knowing doesn’t take away the pain or the bad, but it does give me a confidence that the good still lives on and still matters.

By the way. You may be surprised to know that quote comes from a corny science fiction BBC show The Doctor. Dr. Who, Season 5 – Vincent and the Doctor.